-
Iced princess
The ice princess is decieving my heart and filling my head with fog like frost on a windshield. Worries after assumptions, assumptions after worries, its just getting old. What happened to how we used to be. Now i just worry about what is going on instead of just giving it up to god and trusting him. All this worrying me has made me feel physically ill and im tired of it! When did i ever say i wanted to fall down the rabbit hole huh? How did i ever get so far from reality. Everything seeming like a blurr. God clear up the fog in my head! Make me see again! Remove this blindfold that the opresser has tied so tight around my precious little eyes. Be careful little eyes what you see and don’t be so decieved! Give me the knowledge and power to join this battle! Show me the armor and my sword god! Let me join the frontline prepared and ready. Let me be quick on my feet while still being graceful! God dont let the ice princess destroy me by her beauty but heal me with her personality and love. Get this plank out of my eye lord jesus! Im done living like this! Let me be free and live for you! Break these chains and set me free from the opresser lord! Let every beat of my heart be for you and your kingdom so that it may rain down like fire from the sky. Setting this world on fire for you God!
-
the hunting little fox
Sitting here in this closed up little box of darkness waiting for my hunger to kick in so I can prey on my next victim like a hungry little fox. I’m drowning in my own thoughts, assumptions, and worries and it is eating away at my heart like a lion eating away at the gazelle as it lies there hopelessly. My heart hurting every single day yearning for that freedom and righteousness that is right under my nose but so hard to find. Jesus paid it all and all to thee I owe. You say your yoke is easy and your burden is light but God why does your yoke feel so heavy? I desire to live for you and breathe for you but for some reason it is just so hard for me to give you my everything. I owe you everything but I just can’t let it go, or so it seems. So I cling to what I have and what I know and go no where on this walk and just stand there on the middle ground that doesn’t even exist to you. I’m standing there living for myself 97% of the time and giving you the other 3 because I am such a selfish being. My selfishness takes over and destroys my relationships with the people I love. Love. That word always gets me. God if you are love then hows come I have the hardest time feeling it or seeing people’s love for me huh? I’m blind by the darkness that covers my heart and shields my eyes from the people’s love that are closest to me. Not only am I hurt by this but they are hurt just as much if not even more. Trapped by all this confusion and worry I ask myself “what are you going to do with your life? When are you going to grow up?” and me being the child that I am throws on my power ranger tee-shirt to cover up the insecurities and ignore that question for as long as I can knowing all along I’m going to have to face it eventually and should do it sooner rather than later. So then here I am, sitting in this dark little box that I call home waiting for change. Waiting to see this box open up so I can see the light. And as the crack in the wall opens a little more each day and a little more light shines through my heart rejoices and I feel renewed! As I come before your thrown and lay myself down I feel nervous but at the same time I am humble. I stand before you broken but understand that not only are you a just God that should be feared, but you are also a Loving, Merciful God that loves me through thick and thin. Who shows me mercy and just wants to heal my wounds. My wounds that have surrounded me since I was a little guy and has spread and made other wounds from them. You just want to heal me and help me get better. Its time I break down the walls of this box and see the light fully. No longer will I be a fox on the hunt but a lamb being guided by my shepherd and his staff. No longer will I be cooped up in this box of darkness but free and able to see. And who do I have to thank other than my friends and family that have shown me love even when I was blind to see it. I have to thank my God for always tugging at my heart playing his own little game of tug of war. So from here I say thank you. To those who have stuck with me I say thank you. To God who is always by my side thank you. To those who will be with me through future trials I thank you. Help me see your love so that I may show you my love that I have for you… And then the lion laid down with the lamb.
-
Stress and confusion
Lately I have been worrying and stressing soo much. I don’t know what to do with my life, I need a job, my best friends are all in school and we aren’t as close anymore, my parents have given me 2 weeks to shape up and get a job or else I get kicked out and this coming Friday is my last day to do that. I haven’t been feeling the greatest for the past couple of weeks and I am wondering if it is because I worry so much. I came to the realization that God misses me and wants to be close to me again just like I miss my best friend and want to be close to her again. I also need to stop talking to everyone else about everything and searching for advice from them and just give God my everything. I need to talk to him the same way I talk to my friends.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately and sometimes think that my thoughts are what is destroying me. I think that I think too much lol. But for real I need to just give it all up to Him and ask for His advice. I also need to read my bible and actually make time for him more. Writing about my feelings has always helped me feel better so I hope to start blogging a lot more. Thank you all for reading and thank you for your support and prayers! Love you all! Good bye! -
Figuring things out
There are a lot of things I am trying to figure out right now. I am still trying to figure out this whole tumblr thing… I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and what HE wants me to do with my life. I would like to go to school some where but I haven’t taken the SATs or ACTs yet. School has already started so I would be real late and probably have to start in the spring or next fall. I currently have a job but don’t know how much longer I will have it. I want to get out on my own and have my own place but I don’t know how to save and budget my money.
I haven’t really been giving much time to God lately and I should. My friend posted earlier today about being the change you want to see and I completely agree. I once saw some graffiti that said “Be the change you want to see in the world.” and I want to take that to heart. It sure is hard when you say you want something to change whether it be in your life or in the world but no one puts forth the effort. It will never change if no one starts anything.
I guess I just need to take some time to pray and listen to the father to see what I need to do. I hope all is well with everyone. Good day :)
